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普段、強い言葉で人に物事を言ってしまうことはないでしょうか？
The Issue of Shrinking
Hello! I’m Yasui, the president of a company specializing in high-pressure gas equipment inspections. As a solo entrepreneur, I use this blog to share my thoughts, observations from daily life, and experiences from business trips. I hope you’ll stay with me until the end!
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Do you ever find yourself using harsh words with others?
With your children? Your spouse? Your parents? Or maybe your subordinates?
When you do, the person on the receiving end may shrink a little, even if just internally.
(For the record, I’m often the one shrinking at home… haha.)
Today, I’d like to reflect on this concept of "shrinking."
Let’s take the example of family life.
Imagine being in a situation where every move you make is monitored, every opinion you voice is met with criticism, and every suggestion is dismissed. Wouldn’t that leave you unsure of what to do?
You might find yourself thinking:
"If I just do exactly what I’m told, I won’t get scolded."
"If I stay quiet, I won’t provoke any anger."
Gradually, your decision-making shifts to revolve around avoiding being reprimanded.
For example, children often act based on this principle:
"If my parents get angry, that means I did something wrong."
"Not getting scolded = doing the right thing."
This isn’t necessarily a good or bad thing in and of itself, but when I think about children using this kind of logic to navigate life, it feels disheartening.
Let’s consider another scenario: a husband helping with housework.
If his dishwashing is sloppy, his wife might scold him. If his way of hanging laundry isn’t good enough, she might criticize him.
For some husbands, they can take this in stride and ask, "What should I do to improve?"
But for others, it might lead to feelings of frustration:
"I tried my best, but I still got criticized. What’s the point?"
Eventually, they might even say, "Fine, I won’t do it anymore."
What’s the real goal here?
Isn’t it to share household chores and lighten each other’s burdens?
To wash and dry the dishes.
To hang up and dry the laundry.
If you find yourself micromanaging every little step, the other person might understandably feel, "Why don’t you just do it yourself, then?"
There’s no need for yelling, scolding, or being overly critical.
In any area of life—whether at work or at home—some people are naturally meticulous and efficient, while others take time to find their footing. You need to allow time for people to improve at their own pace.
If you push too hard, the other person might feel so overwhelmed that they shut down.
They could end up becoming someone who only does what they’re explicitly told—someone who doesn’t grow or improve.
I believe this lack of progress stems from handing over one’s judgment and values to others.
They lose the ability to discern what’s good or bad, leaving them stuck in a fog of uncertainty.
Now consider an aging parent with dementia.
They might say something nonsensical, and their adult children scold them for it. Over time, the parent becomes hesitant to speak, their actions grow more erratic, and their decision-making deteriorates further.
Eventually, they mumble when they talk, their behavior becomes more confusing, and their communication breaks down entirely.
Deep down, they may want to engage with others. But if their environment discourages conversation, they may lose that opportunity. This could accelerate their cognitive decline.
When the brain decides it doesn’t need to think or speak, silence becomes the default.
They stop processing thoughts, become less engaged, and may even start feeling perpetually tired.
This is why making someone "shrink" emotionally is such a significant issue.
The solution? Listen patiently.
You don’t always have to point out every mistake.
Our words have the power to break someone important to us.
There’s no harm in choosing kind, considerate language.
Let’s be mindful of that.
See you next time!
